Suicidal individuals are free men and have competent minds. This is fundamentally democratic but so is the objective to reach for the pure freedom of suicidal individuals. This is fundamental to the fundamentals of democracy but the monsters who call themselves the human race can only be trusted to ruin the beauty of democracy and the democratic method.

It leads to a sense of care about what’s important to suicidal individuals as well as important to a suicidal individual. This is democracy as the opposite of tyranny.

What’s democracy in the hands of monsters – this is what prevails. The ruination of the beauty of the democratic method instead of advancing towards the better future sooner.

Care is based on what’s important to a suicidal individual – what have you got?

I never want to become suicidal + this is how the needs of the few suicidal individuals represents the needs of the many.

I never want to stay suicidal

I never want it to get worse than becoming suicidal

I need want to be expected to get used to feeling suicidal

I want so many protections against the freedom to inflict, prolong and worsen suicidality indefinitely.

I expect the competency to care to be demonstrated to me

Else?

I never want to be born when the monsters who call themselves the human race care so much about protecting the freedom to make a suicidal individual want to die that the protection of assisted suicide is a crime

I never want to be born when the objective of living in safety from suicidality is part of living in safety

I never want to be born when even the suicide experts risk making a suicidal individual want to die without hesitation or qualms

I never want to be born when the monsters who call themselves the human race care so much about the freedom to inflict, prolong and worsen suicidality

I never want to be born to be victim to the tyranny of evil

I never want to be born when my life is owned by the monsters who call themselves the human race to create and perpetuate hell

I never want to be born when my life is there for the monsters who call themselves the human race to make even worse than death

I never want to be born when psychiatry exists and it’s the lie of mental illness that forces a species of monsters born and bred evil to care about my diversity

I never want to be born to live amongst monsters like you who bear my suicidality like sadists do

A psychiatrist who was my psychiatrist was banned for having sex with a few of his victims.

He broke medical ethics. So he was punished by a punishment that risked making him want to die. This is what your suicide experts do to their own. He was banned from practicing but doing this would destroy his quality of life and more and risk making him want to die. But monsters can’t do anything else.

The requirements of professionals is to hold a common code. One of these purposes of medical ethics is to trust one doctor like every doctor is trusted for patients. They’re not individuals they’re a profession so when one doctor betrays their code of ethics it ruins the trust in other doctors so their only choice was to banish him from their profession – irrespective of this risking making him want to die.

I do respect any medical ethics that serve the absolute trust in care – I think you can recognise this from the way I think about the not a mental health system. While some ethics are about achieving pure good the ethics that lead to complete and utter trust in care I do not see any other way to excel in caring. Lack of trust in care professionals and systems of care ruins the objectives of care and ends up with victims eschewing engaging with care. I do not believe any true care professional can bear the loss of trust and faith in them. Because without trust then the objectives of those who care will be failed.

I’m not talking about “first do no harm” here though this is the embodiment of how ethics serve pure good. I’m talking about the practical and unacceptable consequences of victims losing faith and trust in care so, for example, they avoid engagement.

But in this pursuit of ethics and the care of true care professional the worst crimes done by the medical profession that ruin trust and faith in care are not a psychiatrist having sex with his patients.

Forced treatment. Force and deprivation of liberty. Imprisonment and violence. Manipulation and betrayal. Oppression and subjugation and tyranny. Lies and the lie of mental illness. Using the scientific method to serve prejudice and seeking to find everything wrong with the beings of the disabled and victims of psychiatry.

If Theodore Southos was banned from practicing as a psychiatrist for bringing his profession into disrepute by having sex with his patients then so should ever doctor who is on the side of and who has done the things in the paragraph above. Because they destroy the faith in the medical profession of the victims of all the evils and harms expressed in the above paragraph.

Professional ethics exist so everyone in the profession can be trusted. This is beyond the ethic of first do no harm. Loss of faith and trust in care professionals and systems is only self destructive to any care professional who can care about the priority.

I have no faith that I can be cared about. Not just because of the medical profession but because of the rest of the monsters who call themselves the human race. Because a species of monsters born and bred evil can’t do anything else. Monsters can’t care.

What happened to Theodore Southos is the truth that monsters can’t recognise what’s the protection of the weak so they punished him without mercy for the fallibility of his mind and risked making him want to die. Do you understand?

They’ve never had the truth about human nature to guide them and that’s what I assume created the conditions that led to the creation of the lie of mental illness to explain the cause of suicidality.

They’re too cruel and evil inside to recognise human cruelty and evil is the constant. They’re only evil and cruel so they can’t recognise the truth about what’s the primary cause of suicidal thoughts and feelings.

Truly you cannot put a price on education. I am a slave to the proof of the truth about human nature.

Being suicidal is not just about natural weakness and fragility and sensitivity. It’s about the prevail of unlimited evil and cruelty that defines every single generation of the monsters who call themselves the human race but the monsters who call themselves the human race can only recognise such truth about human nature in hindsight and by looking back throughout history. No competency to recognise the truth about this generation of the monsters who call themselves the human race. No competency to recognise the truth about human nature.

They don’t care about the effect of the monsters who call themselves the human race having no basic empathy and understanding for my being. They care about doing whatever evil and cruelty they want to do to me – the proof of the truth about human nature is endless.

But because they’re only evil and too evil to be able to care so they have a basis for care that’s to ignore suffering and consent and free will. They’ve always cared about me this way – so they’ve cared so much about making my life even worse than death. What else can a species of monsters born and bred evil do – you recognise the truth about what I need to die to escape from.

A level of pain and awfulness of still being alive – what else can a species of monsters born and bred evil do when they have always ignored my pain and my consent and my free will. A level of pain and awfulness of still being alive – all they have for me is no basic empathy and understanding for my being as their basis for their actions in the name of care.

I have a complexity of being so different to those of the monsters who call themselves the human race. I have an experience of consciousness and reality profoundly different to all but those labelled as crazy and mad and schizophrenia.

The hardships I’d face if the monsters who call themselves the human race didn’t care so much about ruining everything in my life they touch – including themselves – as well as ruining what makes my life my life.

They don’t have the truth about human nature and the truth about their own beings so they have no empathy and understanding for my being. So they don’t have the competency to care and in fact their competencies are when achieving pure evil and sadistic cruelty – but because they’re all so cruel and evil this is what they call care.

Because they’re all so cruel and evil they have this concept of depression that leads them to have as a basis for care the most evil. They think care is to ignore pain and consent and free will – all they’ve succeeded in caring about throughout my existence – here to be a slave to the proof of the truth about human nature.

The concept of depression it leads to the most horrific things to want to do to a suicidal individual. The monsters who call themselves the human race have combined two evils beyond evil. They’ve combined the freedom to make a suicidal individual want to die with the criminalisation of the protection of assisted suicide. To say the monsters who call themselves the human race are only too evil to recognise the pure evil and sadistic cruelty in these two things combined is an understatement. They’re all only evil and beyond evil so they think this is care.

But the monsters who call themselves the human race believe there’s good in them. They believe they can be humane. They believe this when the criminalisation of assisted suicide exists and the freedom to make a suicidal individual want to die exists. They believe this is care.

They’re so beyond evil that the laws that protect against torture aren’t from the laws that protect suicidal individuals and the human rights against torture should not protect suicidal individuals. What else can a species of monsters born and bred evil do.

Torture is exactly what the criminalisation of assisted suicide and the freedom to make a suicidal individual want to die is designed for.

But get this. This is acceptable by medical ethics. What the monsters who call themselves the human race want to be part of. But even those who are meant to care about suicidal individuals are part of this.

What safety can I have when even your suicide experts are only evil and truly evil. None but by using the right to use my death.

When the monsters who call themselves the human race care so much about demonstrating so clearly the only protection is the protection of assisted suicide…as always I am a slave to the proof of the truth about human nature.

When the monsters who call themselves the human race try to care about suicidal individuals they are so cruel not humane.

They have no basic empathy so they have absolutely no concept of what’s too cruel to do to a suicidal individual – the proof of this they want to make endless. They cannot stop proving they’re only evil so they’re still forcing me to live – still their evil isn’t satiated by making my life even worse than death.

Their attempts to care about me are pitiful at best and pure evil at worst. But because they’re only evil they can’t do anything else. The level of evil they bear to do to me it is only possible when they’re all evil and only evil. They want to do so much evil to me before I die – and such will is well protected by the laws that affect suicidal individuals.

They really do care about making my life even worse than death – a will well protected by the laws that affect suicidal individuals. They do care about protecting evil never satiated when making me want to die so much and forcing me to suffer and endure against my will even more suicidal thoughts and feelings. They’ve always cared about this so much that they deny me my right to use my death to stop them. They have only succeeded in demonstrating so clearly the purposes of denying the protection of assisted suicide are only evil and cruelty.

But get this. A species of monsters born and bred evil think they deny me the protection of my death because they care about me. They do not care about me. That’s obvious.

Not least because the monsters who call themselves the human race have only evil and cruelty to want to do to suicidal individuals even when they try to care. They’re always too evil to care about suicidal individuals and that’s why they can make my life so much worse than death. How much they do care about hurting and harming suicidal individuals – to make this unlimited is the purpose of psychiatric and mental health care.

Psychiatric and mental health care are as full of evil as everyone I’ve ever met and more.

Instead of a heart they have this concept of depression that leads the monsters who call themselves the human race to ignore the severity of the suffering of suicidal individuals and the awfulness of feeling suicidal. They are only too evil to be able to care so this concept of depression exists that leads them to have complete and utter disregard for how beyond awful it is to feel suicidal. To add to all of their evil because they’re too evil to be able to care they actually take value in their actions of care when they’re devoid of even the most basic empathy and understanding for my being.

They do care about hurting and harming me endlessly and in this care they are not pitiful attempts to care but they truly do succeed in hurting and harming me endlessly when this is what they care about. Get used to this? How much they want to force me to suffer and endure against my will?

But the monsters who call themselves the human race think this is care. Because their entire sense of care is as full of evil as the monsters who call themselves the human race are.

How too evil to be able to care they are it defines the human race. Because by the standards of a species of monsters born and bred evil care is about ignoring suffering and consent and free will – they’re only evil so they see nothing wrong with this as a basis for care. They have cursed my existence this way and have really succeeded in demonstrating so clearly I am so much better off having never been born – even now they just can’t stop proving this is the truth. I cannot hate them enough. Enough is never enough.

Whatever they touch in my life and what makes my life my life they ruin and they’ve ruined themselves in all the evils they do care so much about doing to me. Even now it’s this ruination they put first and care about foremost. Their competencies when ignoring how I feel and am going to feel are limitless. Certainly not limited by making me want to die again and again and again.

But it’s their sense of care that’s all about unlimited evils and cruelties that’s the purpose as well as the basis of psychiatric and mental health care. All too evil to be able to care and only too evil to recognise the difference between cruelty and care.

They are free to do so much evil and cruelty to the victims of psychiatry as a basis for care. This is what psychiatrists have always believed in in using unlimited cruelties and evils as well as protecting the unlimited cruelties and evils the monsters who call themselves the human race do care so much about doing to the victims of psychiatry.

When all are only evil they don’t see the evil – the curse of my existence. When they’re only too evil to be able to care they do not recognise the difference between cruelty and care but psychiatrists can’t recognise the difference either so all the more evil prevails in this civilisation of monsters.

This inability to recognise the difference between cruelty and care – it’s why I’m so much better off having never been born or dead. All my life this is the curse of my existence living amongst monsters as truly evil as the monsters who call themselves the human race are.

The cruelty in expecting someone to get used to being suicidal – the monsters who call themselves the human race think this is care.

They take so much from suicidal individuals such as rights and liberty and in return they protect every evil and cruelty monsters want to do to a suicidal individual – that’s what the medical suicide experts support.

So they only have a sense of cruelty for suicidal individuals not a sense of care because they’re too evil to be able to care. And because they’re only evil can it ever exist the expectation that a suicidal individual should get used to feeling suicidal. They take so much from suicidal individuals and in return they care so much about every evil and cruelty they want to do to a suicidal individual as a basis for care so they actually think it’s care to expect a suicidal individual to get used to being and feeling suicidal.

They fear no cruelty too cruel to do to a suicidal individual. I wish the gods had gifted me with a helicopter gunship so I could make them fear – this would achieve so much more care than has ever existed to protect suicidal individuals.

Because they’re too evil to be able to care they don’t fear facing a sense of cruelty that exists a suicidal individual to get used to being suicidal. This is the curse of my existence as well as so much more sadistic cruelty and pure evil the monsters who call themselves the human race really do care about doing to me.

It’s only sadists who have the cruelty of expecting a suicidal individual to get used to being suicidal. But the monsters who call themselves the human race are so completely evil they think to expect a suicidal individual to get used to being suicidal is care. Only evil is what the monsters who call themselves the human race are born and bred.

You never expect anyone to get used to being suicidal. It’s only sadistic cruelty to have this expectation. But a species of monsters born and bred evil believes care is about ignoring suffering and consent and free will – that’s the best they’ve ever had as a basis for care for suicidal individuals. Clearly what else can a species of monsters born and bred evil do.

When they’re only evil it is the only way assisted suicide is ever a crime. The criminalisation of assisted suicide – irrespective of the reasons to die – is the sadistic cruelty in expecting a suicidal individual to get used to being suicidal. But it’s the best a species of monsters born and bred evil can do to have absolutely no concept of what’s too cruel to do to a suicidal individual as a basis for care – the proof of my existence.

The monsters who call themselves the human race are not sunk so low that they expect me to get used to being suicidal. Their evil shines so evilly on my existence and because they’re only evil. They’re not sunk so low. They’re born and bred evil.

They’re only too evil to be able to care. They’re only too evil to recognise the difference between cruelty and care but they’re only evil so their cruelty is what they want to make absolutely flawless. I am sure of this truth as you should be by now.

It’s impossible to expect a suicidal individual to get used to being suicidal except for sadists. But the monsters who call themselves the human race…the best a species of monsters born and bred evil can do in the name of care is to ignore suffering and consent and free will. So they actually think the criminalisation of assisted suicide is care just like they believe suicidal individuals should be victims to whatever evil and cruelty monsters want to do to a suicidal individual.

It is only the complete and utter disregard for the severity of the suffering of suicidal individuals and the awfulness of feeling suicidal – the competency of sadists – that leads to the expectation that a suicidal individual should get used to feeling suicidal. The monsters who call themselves the human race are beyond evil so this is their basis for psychiatric and mental health care.

It’s only when you believe suicidal individuals should get used to being suicidal that is when assisted suicide can ever be a crime. But the monsters who call themselves the human race really do care about doing every cruelty and evil that can be done to a suicidal individual – just look at the rest of the laws that affect suicidal individuals.

They’re only evil and born and bred evil. So they combine the criminalisation of assisted suicide with the freedom to make a suicidal individual want to die. Do you have any competency to recognise what’s so much better to never been born than be born to risk facing?

My life is would be so much better off if I was never born. My life would be so much better without any of you in it. My life would be so much better if I could kill myself. Because of what you are.

The proof of the truth about human nature is the truth and that’s why I’m only safe dead. Because of what you are born and bred.

The expectation that a suicidal individual should get used to being suicidal is only sadistic cruelty but that’s all the monsters who call themselves the human race have as their nature.

They have made me victim to this but it’s the same reason why they can’t kill me that’s why they expect me to get used to being suicidal. And it’s the same reason they really do care about protecting the freedom to make a suicidal individual want to die. This is the competencies of the minds of monsters born and bred evil.

I have no hope of living in safety. Where’s care? Nowhere. In no one.

A person so wronged by the monsters who call themselves the human race – too wronged by too many. This is the curse of every slave to human cruelty and evil in every generation of the monsters who call themselves the human race. We who are not sufficiently protected because there are no humane protections for the victims of psychiatry.

The law and the government are not perfect. There’s obviously the fallibility of the mind that is a universal incompetency. When no one of good conscience can prevail then what can a victim do?

Take the history of race relations. The law and the law makers legislated for terrible evil and cruelty until individuals such as Rosa Parks saw the wrongs enough to fight against the law and the law makers.

Judicial review as I understand it is a pitiful way to counteract the fallibility of the minds of the law makers and those in public organisations. There continue to be terrible justices and inequalities and cruelties and evil with respect to race relations. The modern Black Lives Matter campaign is a response to the failures of the law makers and public institutions.

These movements I assume are “politics by politics but not by politicians” in contrast to “judicial review is not to be abused to conduct politics by any other means”.

These movements are fundamental to change and to counteracting the fallibility of the minds of the law makers. But when no one of good conscience can prevail these movements of rebellion do not exist.

For example…

When few if any see anything wrong with slavery then what has the slave who wants to be free have as a protection? What options does the victim have when they exist before anyone of good conscience can prevail?

To depend on the monsters who call themselves the human race to recognise evil and injustice is like expecting monsters to care. To depend on the monsters who call themselves the human race to recognise when they’ve done too much evil is like expecting monsters to care. To expect the monsters who call themselves the human race to recognise what is unlimited suffering and what’s wrong with making suffering and suicidality unlimited is like trusting monsters to care.

When those who have black skin were slaves it is without doubt obvious that slave owners believed they cared about their slaves. But they couldn’t care because they couldn’t see what’s wrong with slavery.

The slave owners had no concept of what’s too much suffering to protect their slaves and neither did the law makers in this time. The slave owners had no concept of what’s too much evil and cruelty to do to a slave and neither did the law makers. There were the slaves who were happy with being slaves and being unprotected and they did nothing to change the evil that prevailed centuries ago. Just like the law makers saw nothing wrong. But there are always victims who recognise what’s wrong with being a slave who recognised too much evil and too much suffering.

In the above paragraph who do you judge as having rational minds and whose minds are deeply flawed? The law makers could no doubt give rational arguments to justify the creation and perpetuation of slavery. The only argument the slave who refuses to be a slave – those who recognised the tyranny of evil for what it is – has is “this is too cruel to do to me”.

Irrespective of political and legal theory – which I admit I don’t understand – one role judicial review plays for the victims in this civilisation of monsters is to make the argument “this is too cruel to do to me or any one else”. It is even more invaluable when no one of good conscience can prevail against the fallibility of the minds of the law makers and the rest of the monsters who call themselves the human race.

What else is there for the power of the individual, for the victims, than judicial review?

On a personal note

Some have the belief they care about me. Some might feel I’m being too cruel when I expect them to support my death and the legalisation of assisted suicide for all. Some might believe the problem is with me and the fallibility of my mind.

The problem is no one of good conscience can prevail and that’s the proof of my existence as well as the monumental extent of my suicidality that stands as testament to how much this generation of the monsters who call themselves the human race really do care about making me a slave to human cruelty and evil. It would not matter if I argue “this is too cruel to do to me” because I am a slave to human cruelty and evil.

My life and my suicidality stand as testament to the truth that no one of good conscience can prevail. Countless governments and the rest of the monsters who call themselves the human race have absolutely no recognition of when they’ve done too much evil to me or when they’ve forced me to suffer and endure too much against my will.

Their acceptability of harm to me is married with how much they can’t recognise the difference between cruelty and care. It is not the tyranny of the persuasive I face. It is simply the tyranny of evil. Because this generation of the monsters who call themselves the human race can’t recognise the difference between cruelty and care.

No one of good conscience can prevail. No one can recognise when I’ve faced too much evil or too much suffering and suicidality. Thus I am denied the protection of assisted suicide to be a slave to human cruelty and evil – and a slave to the proof of the truth about human nature.

The acceptability of harms done to me it is only the care of ownership, of slave owners, I face not empathy and understanding for my being to protect me. I do not face the empathy of equality or the equality of empathy. I face levels of harm that no one consents to. I face harms only possible by ignoring what I do and don’t consent to as well as ignoring my pain and suicidality.

Too many suicidal individuals before me have faced the cruelty and evil expressed in the paragraph above. We face the cruelty of those who say they care but they only have the care of tyranny and are deaf to the screams of suicidal individuals such as “this is too cruel to do to me”. This is the care that exists and has existed always existed for the victims of psychiatry. The care about getting whatever they want by using whatever evil and cruelty monsters want to do to a suicidal individual and there’s no safety from this or want to provide safety.

There are the happy slaves happy with a sense of care that only has one definition of harms too great to do to a suicidal individual and that’s to provide a good death. There’s the minds of the law makers who see care in having absolutely no concept of what’s too cruel to do to a suicidal individual. There’s the suicide experts who believe even imprisonment – the punishment used on the worst criminals – is no longer cruelty when it’s done out of a sense of care. There’s the human rights movement who protect enemy combatants and prisoners of war but don’t want to protect suicidal individuals against torture – even the human rights movement see acceptable harms done to suicidal individuals that are wholly unacceptable to the victims. So suicidal individuals are not protected.

When no one of good conscience can prevail assisted suicide is a protection without equal against those who have no competency to recognise what’s too much evil or too much suffering and suicidality.

If you believe in judicial review and it can beat the value of assisted suicide then you should fight for both protections.

For the fallibility of the mind judicial review it certainly serves the purpose of victims arguing “this is too cruel to do to me or anyone else” to protect against wholly unacceptable harms that are acceptable to the monsters who call themselves the human race. Especially when social movements don’t exist to “politic by politics but not by politicians”.

But what else is there when you face wholly unacceptable harms done to you and the monsters who call themselves the human race see acceptable harms and even care in these wholly unacceptable harms.

What else is there when you face “by the people for the people but not for me” and it’s worse than death what the people and the government want to do to you. When no one of good conscience can prevail to recognise what’s too much evil and too much suffering to force on a suicidal individual – and they tell you they have no concept of what’s too much harm to do to you because they care about you.

When they want to make you a slave to human cruelty and evil – irrespective if they do it out of a sense of care – then what have you got? If judicial review serves as this safety and for victims to be heard “this is too cruel to do to me or any one else” then it has the potential to beat the value of the protection of assisted suicide. But when no one of good conscience can prevail then what do you want when they want to make you a slave to human cruelty and evil?

I see the law as an explicit moral code. But I see the competency of the minds of the human race so clearly. There’s no competency to care or recognise the difference between cruelty and care that’s innate to human nature but there’s a clear competency for achieving sadistic cruelty and pure evil. What’s the universal protection when even the human rights movement can’t care about you? What’s the victims guarantee? If this is what judicial review is then it is great.

If nothing else: recognise being forced to suffer and endure against one’s will is cruelty – even if you believe the cruel is irrelevant when you do it out of a sense of care – and you might be more humane than you are now.

If I die today at last I’m safe.

No limitations when making it even worse than becoming suicidal – no heart.

I was at university when I first went for help for feeling suicidal. I think I saw a psychiatrist or psychologist for the first time during my GCSEs when I was thrown out of home for a few months. I definitely saw a social worker in these few months I was in a children’s home and foster home but I don’t remember feeling suicidal then.

I went to see a counsellor when I became suicidal when I was at university and she told me to get over it. I think it’s because she had no empathy for suicidal individuals so she just saw the reason to die not the pain worse than death. It was for lost love and a broken heart and as is typical of mental health professionals they have no empathy. I think you might recognise why I don’t see the reason to die as what is necessary to recognise just how beyond awful it is to feel suicidal because I’m not a mental health professional. I understand the awfulness of feeling suicidal irrespective of the reason to die.

I think I was suicidal then for a few months to a year. I don’t remember exactly how long before my suicidality ended.

Then at the age of 25 I was sectioned for the first time and I was broken then. Before I was 25 I had high hopes for my future but not since then.

I saw a private psychiatrist who gave me a label of mental illness and told me my brain was defective. When I was 25 and before I was sectioned I had experiences of a higher power and an invisible power – the psychiatrist explained these experiences as the product of my defective brain. This was about two decades ago.

This defective brain idea it broke me. I think many in my life had thought I was crazy but getting a clinical diagnosis and being told my brain was defective it is something that shattered my psyche and my ego.

I stayed suicidal for a prolonged period during being treated by this private psychiatrist and afterwards. Between the age of 25-30 made at least two suicide attempts and was sectioned again at least twice.

I do remember stopping feeling suicidal for a while then being forced off benefits then I managed to get a job at (national) Mind. I didn’t stop not feeling suicidal for long.

During my first year at Mind I experienced unusual experiences of consciousness and they were beyond awful. I was suicidal and I couldn’t go for help because I didn’t want to be sectioned and I couldn’t stop working because I’d be unable to pay my rent. My quality of life was beyond awful for at least a few months while I experienced what you might call psychosis.

In fact the experience I recognise as the gods making me wake up to their existence for the second time. The first time was when I was 24 and it was an amazing experience but it was dismissed as the product of a brain defect. The second time it was hell. I found an invisible power had power over me and my body and my thoughts and my voice. There was an element of external reality also being controlled and frightening synchronicity beyond chance. I could barely work and I’d probably have been fired if I didn’t work at a mental health charity. I was suicidal and had awful quality of life and my reality was a nightmare as I found myself controlled by a higher power but I kept on working as the gods brutality made me wake up to their existence.

Then in the space of a couple of weeks this brutal experience abated and I felt happier but still suicidal. I continued to work and I continued to be suicidal. During my second year at Mind I think others would have seen a crazy happy and passionate individual but I was still suicidal. I would run around the office having read a research paper about researchers investigating the effect of sex on a neurotransmitter by manually masturbation of rats to make them climax and would make my colleagues laugh but I woke up in the morning feeling suicidal.

In my second year there I left and I had a few months not feeling suicidal but also not really wanting to live either.

There was a moment of happiness either during or after these few months. I was in Brighton co take photos of a charity shop for Mind. I had the feeling of happiness of the sun on my face and I felt suicidal. Why? Because I knew that happiness is fleeting but pain is constant.

It was a prophetic suicidal thought. I became suicidal again and spend the next decade feeling suicidal. To this day.

In all this last decade I have faced so much brutal cruelty and horrific quality of life and so so many suicidal thoughts and feelings. What I see is evil never satiated when making me want to die that’s all you protect by denying me my death.

What I see is a punishment too cruel to do to anyone that’s the last decade and beyond this that’s only possible by denying me my death. I do not see care in all the brutality of the cruelty and evil I’m denied my death so the monsters who call themselves the human race can make their evil and cruelty unlimited.

You think the protection of the vulnerable is to leave suicidal individuals to the merciless winds of human cruelty and evil and that’s only furthered by the criminalisation of assisted suicide.

Any sense of care relies on empathy and understanding for my being to protect me – this has never happened throughout my existence. My life is all about my pain and consent being ignored. My life has so much suicidality in it not because of care but the lack of care based on empathy and understanding for my being.

A decade ago I’d faced too much suicidality already and that’s the proof the competency to care about me doesn’t exist. I had faced too much unlimited suffering and unlimited cruelty a decade ago by any humane standard. This is what I mean about the lies you tell me when you say you care about me. Even now it’s all about forcing me to suffer and endure against my will.

But it’s because what your definition of the protection of suicidal individuals is is the will to achieve unlimited suffering and unlimited cruelties. It’s your will to leave suicidal individuals to face the merciless winds of human cruelty and evil and that’s what is the criminalisation of assisted suicide.

I have given you conservative estimates of the monumental extent of my suicidality.

• The last decade spent suicidal
• Half the days of my adulthood spent suicidal
• A third of the years of my life spent suicidal for at least a few months

You bear this and you tell me you care about me?

In the name of getting whatever you want from me you ignore my pain and you ignore my consent. You are lying to yourself if you believe you care about me. You care about getting whatever you want from a suicidal individual and in this pursuit you ignore my pain and my consent as well as ignore the cruelty and evil in your methods.

I have had to remember what I do not want to remember. To make you understand what I mean when I say you are lying to yourself if you believe you care about me. You don’t bear so much suicidality to be forced on anyone when you care. You don’t bear so much unlimited cruelties and evils to be done to a suicidal individual when you care.

You don’t serve the objectives of making the suffering of suicidal individuals even more unlimited or making the cruelty the monsters who call themselves the human race want to do to a suicidal individual unlimited in the name of care. You serve and protect the minds of monsters not suicidal individuals.

I scold you but you are not alone in making me a slave to human cruelty and evil. This might make you feel better but how do you think it feels like when so so many want to make me a slave to human cruelty and evil – but that’s what is protected by the criminalisation of assisted suicide from vast amounts of personal experience.

Whatever evil and cruelty the monsters who call themselves the human race want to do to me. You care about this. So I don’t even have the right to use my death and the protection of assisted suicide to keep me safe.